Galic blade,river worn
now to sheathe, in peace
Guard my friends,and all their homes
at night,and throu the day
Block from them,all fear around
and prosper all their lands
But those be rised,to know thy way
NEVER sheath unblooded
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:44 pm:
Why don't you just steal the damn cows?
It is, after all, an ancient tradition.
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:46 pm:
Brian use your brain. You have the moral high ground. RUSTLE!
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:49 pm:
If you can't get the cattle's heads, would you settle for their ears?
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:50 pm:
Well, it's a thought.
There's always an udder approach ;)
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:51 pm:
That is by far the worst joke I've HERD this week
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:56 pm:
To: Niall of the Nine Bandages
From: J.F. Hourigan, CSP (Celtic Safety Professional); Occupational
Safety & Health Druid Extrodinaire.
Your tale of woe has touched me to the quick. There are methods know to
the illumerati to measure the causes of your affliction and verify your
claims. This would require verious and sundry rites such as a noise
dosimeter survey and an octive band analysis. I am incontact with magi
in foriegn land who are developing the devices needed to prform such
rites. They promise delivery for Beta testing in 8 or 9 centuries. They
claim to be awaiting the visitation of a mystical being called Tran sis
Should you choose not to wait to press your claim, I can only suggest
trial by combat. I would, however, be remiss in my professional duties if
I did not warn you that prolonged combat could worsen your condition. I
reccommend resisting the temptation to egage in one of those three or
four day long battles which bardic ballads. You will not be able to hear
your name being sung through Tara's Halls anyway.
Should you choose to assert your claim by the strength of your arm, I
will be glad to assist in my professional capasities (see below).
1. Pre-contest inspection of field of combat to identify any hidden
hazards, including but not limited to the presence of bogs, marshes,
quicksands, evil spirits, sprites, ghosts and fairies;
2. Pre-contest inspection of your arms, armor and charriot and
accoutements to ensure they meet all occuaptional safety and health
3. Pre-contest casting of runes and other readings of signs as
appropriate, with a money back guarentee of favioralbe omens;
4. Concurrent with contest - hold your cloak and offer numerous and
continous prays for your success;
5. Post-contest binding of your wounds with application of scented baums
and offering of numerous and continous prays for your recovery;
6. Post contest battle ground clean up and siposal of any hazardous waste
in a manner consistant with local, clan and royal environmental, safety
and health regulations.
My fee for these services would be the hide of one cow and a year's
production of the milk of another. Collection of said fees would of
course be contingient on the successfull outcome of your claim. Howver i
do require a binder of 2 silver coins of the realm, payable in advance to
cover traveling expences and the purchace of sundry supplies.
Anxiously awaiting your reply.
Joe Hourigan, CSP
By Guest on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 10:03 pm:
Hello! my name is Donl. I would like to send a message that just might be of slight interest in regard to bronze in preference over iron. Bronze is an alloy comprised of copper and tin, and it has long been known that copper has healing properties to the human body - it is regarded as a "clean" metal. Iron is a metalic element strongly attracted by magnets and easily oxidises,
it rusts (ferric oxide) rust causes infections and disease.
Traces of metallic iron in the blood stream (ferris hydroxide) impairs and gradually impurifies the blood.
So I guess, the choice of iron over bronze for weapons was to increase the damage caused, in one way or another.
In european mythology it is said that the iron-age would be the final and worst age of the earth, marked by toil, selfishness, and corruption.
It appears that Morrigu's prediction is extremely accurate indeed.
Cheers, from don. west australia.
By Lacie on Saturday, January 23, 1999 - 09:56 am:
cheers Don *LMAO* ...... from lacie *west down under*
By Guest on Sunday, February 28, 1999 - 12:00 am:
I just had a look at the 21 century. They have just discovered a thing called a hearing aid, its all the fault of that guy Tran sis Tor. Now I'm going to have to listen to her nattering on again. Did that horse get back yet, I'm next out of here
By Cassandra on Sunday, February 28, 1999 - 04:01 pm:
A Tribunal might work in settling all disputes. Nobody could accuse Niall of having severe CJH and the buck could be handed out soon. Please may I have my cut for this suggestion?
By Ciaran on Wednesday, March 3, 1999 - 08:08 am:
Greetings Niall. I´m also quite familiar with the dangers of those cursed iron weapons. The brutal vikings that tend to invade every piece of land they see have raided my country frequently since they got those fancy iron weapons of theirs. We are having a hard time figthing them off with our classical weaponry made out of flitstone and bone.
I`ve been waiting for the stupid buggers to find the place called America, so I could sue them. There is a rumour that you can sue a man for almost anything there...
So when they get there I´d be more than happy to cooperate with you...
By the way. What an earth is a cow??? the only domesticated animals we have here in finland are reindeer, and they are too stupid for anyone to want them. Well we do also milk the bears, but they tend to get rather agressive every now and then...
best wishes: Ciaran the shaman of the great people
By Mstree on Thursday, March 4, 1999 - 07:01 pm:
Ciaran...you viscious Viking with the handsome air about you! Here is an Atlas for you to give the brutal Vikings who invade Finland.*Handing atlas to Ciaran* AT LAST you can sue them when they come invade America...but we have a way here with our 'dis-arming charms' and you won't ever have to worry about the iron age again. Have you ever heard of Permanent Press? I am sure the brutal Vikings will never want to leave once they try our 'Charmin' squeezeably soft bath tissue. And there are some very 'Charmin' women who can be squeezeably soft in America, too! *G* When are you coming to America? How about planning your honeymoon here? You have a whole expanse to discover and explore here...Welcome!
By Tex on Friday, March 5, 1999 - 12:07 am:
america...the land of the free and the home of litigation...lol...
By Guest on Saturday, March 6, 1999 - 03:38 am:
So nice to finally be able to look upon your page. I was intigued for my online friend is also known as niall9.. Something more to learn..
I did enjoy your webpage tho... Keep up the good work..birren
By Niamh on Monday, March 8, 1999 - 05:18 pm:
I would suggest that you consider getting an injection to prevent tetanus. The cost of said injection would of course be reimbursable to you by the king in addition to your claim regarding the cows. It is the duty of the king to keep his warriors mostly fit for battle - otherwise he wouldn't have much of an army. Also, death by tetanus is a long, painful and tedious process - dying valiantly in battle is indeed preferable. Best regards and I hope you get those bandages off soon, Niamh
By Accasbel on Monday, March 8, 1999 - 06:30 pm:
It's 'tinnitus' that's the problem, not 'tetanus'.
LOL - I love it! Feed me!
By Niamh on Tuesday, March 9, 1999 - 02:43 pm:
Well, but we wouldn't want him to add to the tinnitus problem by getting a tetanus infection, now would we? Although actually, the tetanus infection would eventually take care of the tinnitus thing altogether....*s*
By Niamh on Wednesday, March 10, 1999 - 09:11 pm:
Since I find myself trapped in 11 inches of snow today, I've had a bit of time to ponder your situation. If it is your wish to take your case to the king, you will need to be prepared for crossexamination by the royal solicitors. The issue at hand, as Accasbel has kindly pointed out, is your alleged tinnitus, allegedly caused by the alleged increase in noise pollution generated by the clanging of iron weapons. My research indicates that only 24% of diagnosed tinnitus cases are caused by noise. A higher percentage of tinnitus is caused by allergies - drink a lot of red wine, do you? Tinnitus can also be caused by buildup of earwax and dirt - do you bathe regularly and practice good personal hygiene? I suggest that as your first line of defence, you have yourself examined by a licenced medical doctor who would be prepared to give professional expert testimony to the king on your behalf should the cause of your tinnitus actually be, as you claim, noise. Secondly, I would suggest that you rethink your demand of 3 head of cattle. Even if you win this case, you will still have the tinnitus. I fail to see how 3 cows are going to speed your recovery from a vestibular disorder, unless of course they are particularly noisy cows, in which case you should expect claims to be lodged against you by your neighbours. I suggest you amend your claim to the following:
1. tetanus injection
2. 3 cows
3. lifetime enrollment in the Royal Medical Benefits Programme (free of charge to you, of course) with personal weekly visits from a specialist in vestibular disorders
Also, I would come up with a better argument regarding your hearing, like you would be unable to hear evil-doers sneaking up to assasinate the king. The whole harp music enjoyment thing is a bit girly for a warrior such as yourself. (Sure, Johnny Cochran would tell ye the same thing.) I trust that I have been able to assist you in your pursuits and I wish you the best of luck with your case.
By Niall_o_nine on Wednesday, March 10, 1999 - 10:57 pm:
I have to stop drinking??
I have to WASH ????????
Music - "girly"??????
Poetry, Story-telling ?
You some sort of foreigner or sumptin' ???
By Niamh on Thursday, March 11, 1999 - 03:17 pm:
Just steal the damn cows!
By Guest on Sunday, March 28, 1999 - 12:06 am:
You wouldn't catch Cuchulain grizzling about bloody iron weapons - no sirreebob! He'd just get on with it, whack a few spears through a few people's heads etc... mind you, he's a jammy bastard, being half faery and all. Maybe his hearing's tougher than yours, you big girl's blouse.
By Brianboru on Sunday, July 4, 1999 - 07:06 pm:
To hell with bronze weapons! You need a gae bolga.
Look at what the "Hound of Ulster" did with his.
Now a warrior princess named Olga
Was a champion of upper Volga.
She sailed west to Eire
Chu Chullain to dare
Where she succumbed to his Irish gae bolga.
By Guest on Tuesday, July 6, 1999 - 01:45 pm:
In fact, recent studies have shown that the substitution of white cloth on sticks for the normal tools of war reduced occupational health hazards by up to 60% - except when fighting the English, in which case they just killed everyone. Bastards.
By Accasbel on Tuesday, July 6, 1999 - 08:26 pm:
I think that if one simply waves the stick, rather than using it to poke the opposition in the eye and other sensitive places, less killing happens.